As I write my novel, what do I fear?I fear nothing! I know my story is awesome, or at least worth telling. Even though I may struggle with the middle from time to time (okay, most of the time), I will persevere and my story will be told in the end!
Except that’s not exactly true.
Of course I fear that I am over-confident. After all, I like
a lot of things most of my friends and acquaintances don’t. And many of the
things they think are very compelling I find lackluster. It seems my tastes,
whether in music, movies, books, authors, games, or whatever, are...discriminating.
But that fear is (relatively) easily overcome. I write what
I write. Those who appreciate it will. Those who don’t will move on and find
something else to read. And if I am the only one who appreciates my work, I
will not have failed. At least I’ll have a good story to go back and re-read.
No, what I most fear is wasting time. Sometimes while
reading writing how-to articles, I feel my time would be better spent writing. Planning a story and
research both take time, and I sometimes wonder if it would be better spent
somewhere else. My writing practice can seem like a waste of time. Even writing
my work-in-progrss can seem like a waste of time; so much goes unused. Of course I file it,
but would I have been a “better” writer if I hadn’t wasted that time in the
first place?
There is a strange disconnect here: I know (intellectually)
that these things are important, but I often feel they are a waste.
But there is a greater fear, one I hardly admit even to myself: what
if I don’t have anything to say? What if instead of a compelling resolution to
a particular piece, it simply...
...ends?
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From First Audition to Final Bow
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